“How Many Methodists”

Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

This all came about because of Dave Faulkner’s Sermon on Acts 11: 1 – 9, “Acts – Explain Yourself!”. I think he makes some very good points about how we view change and what we need to consider about this process. But for the moment, my focus is going to be on his opening questions.

He begins with four essential changing light bulb questions:

1. How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

   Three, but they are really only one.

2. How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

   Agnostics question the existence of the light bulb.

3. How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bubl?

   THE BIBLE * DOES * NOT * SAY * ANYTHING * ABOUT * LIGHT BULBS!

4. How many Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

Change? What’s this word change?

This prompted me to look for other Methodist and the art of changing light bulbs and this is what I found. It should be noted that several of these have been attributed to other denominations and religions as well but, for now, we will limit ourselves to the United Methodist Church.

How many Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

• Twenty-two: One to hold the ladder, one to climb the ladder, ten to form a committee to evaluate the effectiveness of the old light bulb, and ten to form a committee for a pot-luck to welcome in the new light bulb.
• Change a light bulb???? Why…my grandmother gave that light bulb!!!!
• “Change?!?” “You can’t change that light bulb! Harry Finnigan’s family gave that as a memorial during the big merger.”
• Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved — you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. A church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday, August 19. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
• This Statement was issued: “We neither affirm nor reject the use of a light bulb. If you have found a light bulb helpful in your journey, that is good. If one would wish, they could submit an original poem or interpretive dance about their light bulb, or light source, or non-dark resource, for the annual light bulb celebration, where a variety of light bulb traditions will be explored, including long-life, incandescent, three-way, and tinted, all of which are valid paths to luminescence.”

• I think that about covers it for changing the light bulbs in a United Methodist Church. If I have missed one, please let me know.